A message from your betters.

Some personal news. Yes, I am the holder of the mystery superannuation account containing $544 million. In an EXCLUSIVE for this website, I can reveal that sources close to me are very opposed to paying any tax on it.

Responding to Treasurer Chalmers’ proposed tax hike, I called the proposal ridiculous and more of a ‘tax heist’ because I know the value of reducing complicated questions of difficult policy to asinine two-word brainfarts. If you need more than two words, however, allow me to expand.

Any tax increase on the top earners of this country who’ve worked hard to hide their income in a complex latticework of trust funds, superannuation schemes and offshore bank accounts will always hurt the middle class because they don’t have any offshore accounts or super-yachts in which to visit them.

Treasurer Chalmers seems to have forgotten some of the basic lessons of his economics degree. So, I have generously agreed to give up a morning of skiing down a giant golddrift of Spanish doubloons to refresh his memory about the importance of encouraging entrepreneurs.

This is what I gave up for you, Chalmers.

Other people like me often see entrepreneurs like me as critical drivers of economic growth. By providing tax breaks to us, governments can encourage investment in fields as diverse as Cayman Island banking and the manufacture of extra-soft deck-swabbing cloths for ocean-going super-yachts.

Mister Chalmers must surely recognise that innovation is not the strong suit of the two-thirds of Australians with less than $100,000 in their very sad and terribly small superannuation accounts. These people are simply too busy with the difficult pursuit of mere subsistence and brute survival to develop new products and services that can improve people's lives as long as those people are me.

I ask you, where is the next generation of aggressive financial instruments to minimise my tax liabilities to come from, if not from the sort of people who have five hundred million dollars stashed in a superfund to avoid paying tax?

Tax breaks like the one Mister Chalmers is threatening to remove serve only to incentivize entrepreneurs like me to continue taking risks and investing in innovation, leading to significant advances in technologies such as Irish Post Office boxes and Singaporean Trust Funds.

By providing us with the tax breaks we deserve on our massive tax-effective retirement savings accounts, governments make it more attractive for us to open more massive tax-effective retirement savings accounts. This is what growth looks like, Mister Chalmers. This is dynamism.

The Treasurer seems to have lost sight of this along with the crucial importance of international competitiveness. In a global economy, countries must compete for capital from people like me who have lots of it. By offering tax breaks on gargantuan super accounts, the government makes this country more attractive to me and my money than all of the other places I will absolutely hide it from them if they don’t do what I want.

Finally, the Treasurer quite obviously cares not a whit for job creation, particularly in small and medium sized businesses such as legal and accountancy firms offering artisanal tax minimisation advice to people with a spare half-a-billion dollars. One dreads to think of the chilling effect these changes will have on the formation of boutique wealth management consultancies and the many upscale European car dealerships which rely on their custom.

I urge the Treasurer to reconsider his intemperate proposal lest I vote for Mister Dutton with even more enthusiasm than I was going to vote for him anyway.