Dear Heart to Heart, I am writing to you in desperation, seeking advice on how to handle my feelings about a woman Prime Minister of New Zealand with whom I’ve long been obsessed. Her name is Jacinda, and she doesn’t even live in the same country as me, but I can’t stop thinking about her and talking about her and publishing thousands of words of transparently desperate masher notes to her in both my OpEd and news sections.
Dear Heart to Heart,
I am writing to you in desperation, seeking advice on how to handle my feelings about a past Australian Prime Minister. I though he was the worst. Now it seems, with Jim still warm, he could return and one day, retake that title. Oh they joy of this possibility, albeit teeny tiny.
Apologies for the above JB. No disrespect to Jacinda, will miss her more than any other Prime Minister we never had.
I do occasionally scan the headlines of the ‘stralian to have a laugh at the unhinged sputum that dribbles off the page… It’s a miracle that any poor fool would pay for the privilege of having their mind fouled by such rubbish - but again, I tip my hat, as you have taken the hit for the rest of us. THANKYOU.
Yeah frickin' NAMASTE, Australian.
I hope there is a parallel universe where Jacinta A and Penny W (in very well-designed Valkyrie outfits) guide the likes of Scomo and Abbott to somewhere afterlife-y, where they can keep on play fighting...
Dear Editor of the Ozstralian
Thank you for providing me with valuable bush dunny paper free of charge at the airport, it’s come in handy at remote surfing spots.
Can I offer some free advice, go and stick your mongrel looking head up the closest dead bears bum, please.
I wish I could say I was surprised by the bile. I think the fact we expect this lessens us all a bit.
Perhaps Barnaby Joice could throw his sweaty Akubra into the ring. After all, he's a total non-entity here and could do well to renew his Kiwi citizenship if it meant getting his ample R.M Williams upholstered seat onto the ministerial leather once again.
A woman Prime Minister! What'll they think of next?
Interestingly I find the circle of those who right (sec) for the press in Australia and were denouncing how terrible PM Ardern was (hint, I don't think she was I think she was great) and the circle of those that wrote loving hagiographic love letters to the arch-abuser George Pell completely overlap.
Laugh? We nearly shat!
Thank you for reading the Australian so I don't have to
Great advice! This will be an important year of healing.
The distasteful alternative is that they arrive at Lachlan Murdoch's Christmas party plagued by the same mix of shame, lust, alcohol and madness that has seen off so many of his colleagues at NewsLtd.
What really gets to these people is that what they equate to ‘virtue-signalling wokeness’ has, in the hands of Jacinda Ardern, achieved the kind of real-world results that they incessantly promise but fail to deliver. Covid a case in point: NZ through its interventions (apparently ‘tyrannical’, but no more so than, say, orders to evacuate in a natural disaster) has a case fatality rate one-tenth of the US and half of that of Australia, and (if you consider a US-style alternative) saved the lives of more than 20,000 people in a country of approx 5 million. The economy currently is subject to the same international problems of inflation, debt and compromised growth, but post-Covid is performing significantly better than comparable developed nations. This is the sort of thing that causes people to hold their government in regard and affection.
In contrast, the Murdochers and their acolytes seek to influence and control, but will always fail because they are ineffectual, and no-one loves them.
One of the funniest things I've seen surrounding Jacinda's resignation is the citizens of A Particular Country commenting on the society, politics, and history of Aotearoa purely through the social, political, and historical lens of their own country.
Excellent- as always!