Truly wise words. And we are similar in many ways. I spent my youth chasing pleasure believing it would result in happiness, but mostly found only shame, regret, stress and temporary bankruptcy!
In my somewhat more enlightened middle age though I have further deconstructed the idea of happiness - which I also find to be fleeting - to CONTENTMENT, which is long-lasting, even permanent once you find it within yourself.
At age 38 I woke up one day with a question that I could not shake: you're half way through your life (if you're fortunate), what do you want from the rest of it? I sat with the question, unable to answer it for a long time, then left it to its own devices inside my head. About 6 months later I awoke with the answer. It was two dark purple words wreathed in orange flames in my mind's eye: PEACE and SIMPLICITY. My life at the time was neither.
So, a decade and a bit down the track, here I am in Tassie living a quiet country life centred around peace and simplicity, and I've never been more content. Some days I'm happy, others sad or angry or tired or whatever, and on most I'm somewhere in-between. But regardless of the temporary emotional state of that day or the moment, I am pretty much always CONTENT.
Aristotle was on the good shit. Socrates also gave us "It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable", so hold tight to the idea that the ancient greek philosophers were thinking lifters too.
I loved your piece about following the process instead of focusing on goals. But Jesus!... Now I feel guilty for taking the 5 mins to read your brain dump! Onward and upward.
Nice to think on that JB. Cooking a huge dinner for family and friends makes me happy. No shortcuts, lots of research, practice and hard work. I've been doing that for such a long time, so there's plenty of pleasure eating it, and the wine is good of course! I can be happy about a great meal for long, long time afterwards. Not as much when we go to restaurants.
Yes! One of my favourite cooking experiences is the week-long adventure of cooking cassoulet. The meal is great, but it's the journey to get there that feels like the reward in retrospect.
Note to self (based on most recent attempt): give yourself a week for the cassoulet, like JB. Don't try to do it in one day, (the day of the dinner party) even if you start at the crack of dawn...
I've gotta hand it to you, JB, this is perfect timing, yet again!
Some time ago, beset by multi Covid induced post viral syndrome, I lost the will to walk (or do weights or anything much, really) because it gave me NO PLEASURE. I hated the feeling of gasping for breath at the slightest hill. Or having to nap after a bit of gardening for godsakes! One of the many upsides of my previous fitness had been my ability to happily sashay into a room or bound up a few rocks or bounce up some steps. Depleted by illness, I'd pretty much prissily convinced myself those particular pleasures were plain vanity & no great loss.
However, now that I've spent the past several months expensively repairing my immune system with fibre & protein, adventurous pre & probiotics, herbal capsules & secret naturopathic sauces, I'm on the brink of stepping out again. Taking myself for a daily walk, as if I were my own pet scratching at the door. Lifting some weights. Even doing some Tai Chi properly. Stupidly, I was waiting for it to be a pleasure. On the first day, already.
Silly me. I shoulda got this by now, too. Just like I did every other time I did it before. Thanks so much for reminding me what I need to do next. X
As a verified "Second lifer" the pursuit of happiness is like a work life balance, fine in theory but you try to convince yourself, and everyone else for that matter, that you have achieved the goal. However if you have ever done your ankle ligaments and been to a physiotherapist who gives you a "wobble board" to exercise on. For those not familiar it's a flat board mounted on a tennis ball! Achieving life balance is a wobble bard, success is fleeting. Happiness is life's wobbly board, at each corner of the board are the weights on your life, always changing. Balance fleeting once more.
In the end you are glad you understand the things that mean the most to you, love, friendship even a sense of pride works its way in. Achievement of a goal. Acceptance of regret. Laughter peeling its way to a loved one's smile.
Then realizing you have to do it all again.
Happiness is a warm gun..a shout out to a FAB four from a home town..
Upon reflection - I will take a lesson from your post here and get stuck back into the long essay I am writing as an accompaniment to a Family Tree Chart I am trying to build. Thanks for reminding that effort brings satisfaction - not lying back and achieving nothing. D'accord!
Mygod I needed to read this right now. I had planned to study all day, the course I’m really enjoying, and really behind in, and yet I’m doom scrolling. Thanks for the prod.
I nearly didn't get past the idea of stripping naked, smearing one's self with Nutella and sprinting towards gratification.
Am I weird for getting both happiness and gratification for that image? It certainly gave me pause and a new daydream to while away the hours on.
It also inspired some of that contentment K2SO wrote about in the comments. A less damaging contentment than that achieved today rock-hopping around one of the beautiful local headlands with the three grandkids, but resulting me having a killer backache.
I'm part way though a book about this very topis: The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains. Excuse the American bit - but the book is pretty science-y and gets right into why more pleasure = less happiness. I recommend it so far!
I think seeking pleasure is a fine and meritorious pursuit. There's not much in life more mindlessly pleasurable than sliding down the front of a perfectly breaking wave, and it feels pretty virtuous, too.
The mistake is the avoidance of discomfort. I'm very good at thinking "I want X", when I'm really just trying to escape from Y. This is all quite new for me, but I'm learning one can endure extraordinary amounts of discomfort - sometimes several minutes of vague uncertainty in a row.
I could write a whole essay about surfing as a path to happiness, not simply to pleasure. For one, it’s not something that you mindlessly consume. You must actively pursue the wave, often fighting the ocean to catch it. It can be exhilarating, but it can also be dangerous, life-threatening, even And while there is undeniable pleasure in the barrel. It is not the passive, idle pleasure that I am so familiar with from the pastry shop
Truly wise words. And we are similar in many ways. I spent my youth chasing pleasure believing it would result in happiness, but mostly found only shame, regret, stress and temporary bankruptcy!
In my somewhat more enlightened middle age though I have further deconstructed the idea of happiness - which I also find to be fleeting - to CONTENTMENT, which is long-lasting, even permanent once you find it within yourself.
At age 38 I woke up one day with a question that I could not shake: you're half way through your life (if you're fortunate), what do you want from the rest of it? I sat with the question, unable to answer it for a long time, then left it to its own devices inside my head. About 6 months later I awoke with the answer. It was two dark purple words wreathed in orange flames in my mind's eye: PEACE and SIMPLICITY. My life at the time was neither.
So, a decade and a bit down the track, here I am in Tassie living a quiet country life centred around peace and simplicity, and I've never been more content. Some days I'm happy, others sad or angry or tired or whatever, and on most I'm somewhere in-between. But regardless of the temporary emotional state of that day or the moment, I am pretty much always CONTENT.
This is brilliant. Thanks.
The word "brilliant" from you is an honour indeed. Be well and content!
Contentment is a far better thing to aim for. Happiness can give you the zoomies, but contentment gives a deep sigh of comfort and ease.
“I can’t imagine John getting banned from a buffet. You, on the other hand…”
—verbatim response from the Dweebette when I read her the relevant bit.
Aristotle was on the good shit. Socrates also gave us "It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable", so hold tight to the idea that the ancient greek philosophers were thinking lifters too.
Socrates was related to both Meritocraces and Mediocraces, the former deserving of good health, the latter too fond of ancient donuts.
I loved your piece about following the process instead of focusing on goals. But Jesus!... Now I feel guilty for taking the 5 mins to read your brain dump! Onward and upward.
Nice to think on that JB. Cooking a huge dinner for family and friends makes me happy. No shortcuts, lots of research, practice and hard work. I've been doing that for such a long time, so there's plenty of pleasure eating it, and the wine is good of course! I can be happy about a great meal for long, long time afterwards. Not as much when we go to restaurants.
Yes! One of my favourite cooking experiences is the week-long adventure of cooking cassoulet. The meal is great, but it's the journey to get there that feels like the reward in retrospect.
Note to self (based on most recent attempt): give yourself a week for the cassoulet, like JB. Don't try to do it in one day, (the day of the dinner party) even if you start at the crack of dawn...
This is making me hungry :-)
I've gotta hand it to you, JB, this is perfect timing, yet again!
Some time ago, beset by multi Covid induced post viral syndrome, I lost the will to walk (or do weights or anything much, really) because it gave me NO PLEASURE. I hated the feeling of gasping for breath at the slightest hill. Or having to nap after a bit of gardening for godsakes! One of the many upsides of my previous fitness had been my ability to happily sashay into a room or bound up a few rocks or bounce up some steps. Depleted by illness, I'd pretty much prissily convinced myself those particular pleasures were plain vanity & no great loss.
However, now that I've spent the past several months expensively repairing my immune system with fibre & protein, adventurous pre & probiotics, herbal capsules & secret naturopathic sauces, I'm on the brink of stepping out again. Taking myself for a daily walk, as if I were my own pet scratching at the door. Lifting some weights. Even doing some Tai Chi properly. Stupidly, I was waiting for it to be a pleasure. On the first day, already.
Silly me. I shoulda got this by now, too. Just like I did every other time I did it before. Thanks so much for reminding me what I need to do next. X
Happy to be of service, Suzi. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I have to remind myself about this all the time
"It's a fine line between pleasure and pain...."
80s child
As a verified "Second lifer" the pursuit of happiness is like a work life balance, fine in theory but you try to convince yourself, and everyone else for that matter, that you have achieved the goal. However if you have ever done your ankle ligaments and been to a physiotherapist who gives you a "wobble board" to exercise on. For those not familiar it's a flat board mounted on a tennis ball! Achieving life balance is a wobble bard, success is fleeting. Happiness is life's wobbly board, at each corner of the board are the weights on your life, always changing. Balance fleeting once more.
In the end you are glad you understand the things that mean the most to you, love, friendship even a sense of pride works its way in. Achievement of a goal. Acceptance of regret. Laughter peeling its way to a loved one's smile.
Then realizing you have to do it all again.
Happiness is a warm gun..a shout out to a FAB four from a home town..
This made me laugh in recognition. Thanks!
Needed this.
Thank you
Upon reflection - I will take a lesson from your post here and get stuck back into the long essay I am writing as an accompaniment to a Family Tree Chart I am trying to build. Thanks for reminding that effort brings satisfaction - not lying back and achieving nothing. D'accord!
Mygod I needed to read this right now. I had planned to study all day, the course I’m really enjoying, and really behind in, and yet I’m doom scrolling. Thanks for the prod.
omg!
I nearly didn't get past the idea of stripping naked, smearing one's self with Nutella and sprinting towards gratification.
Am I weird for getting both happiness and gratification for that image? It certainly gave me pause and a new daydream to while away the hours on.
It also inspired some of that contentment K2SO wrote about in the comments. A less damaging contentment than that achieved today rock-hopping around one of the beautiful local headlands with the three grandkids, but resulting me having a killer backache.
Life - it gives, then it gives you a boot.
I'm part way though a book about this very topis: The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains. Excuse the American bit - but the book is pretty science-y and gets right into why more pleasure = less happiness. I recommend it so far!
I think seeking pleasure is a fine and meritorious pursuit. There's not much in life more mindlessly pleasurable than sliding down the front of a perfectly breaking wave, and it feels pretty virtuous, too.
The mistake is the avoidance of discomfort. I'm very good at thinking "I want X", when I'm really just trying to escape from Y. This is all quite new for me, but I'm learning one can endure extraordinary amounts of discomfort - sometimes several minutes of vague uncertainty in a row.
I could write a whole essay about surfing as a path to happiness, not simply to pleasure. For one, it’s not something that you mindlessly consume. You must actively pursue the wave, often fighting the ocean to catch it. It can be exhilarating, but it can also be dangerous, life-threatening, even And while there is undeniable pleasure in the barrel. It is not the passive, idle pleasure that I am so familiar with from the pastry shop
So true as always!! I’m pretty sure that psych degree is used every day in your work JB!!