Well, that was a helluva week. The sort of week leaves a bloke with crippling option paralysis as he stands in front of the long buffet table which is absolutely groaning under the weight of a giant feast of rightwing shitfuckery. My nutritionist* has me eating in a slight surplus for the next few weeks, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean for me to gorge myself insensible on all-you-can-eat snarkenfreude. It’s very fattening.
The Monday surprise was finding out that Gina Rinehart’s performing troupe of captive oompah-loompahs, formerly known as the National Party, are apparently capable of strategic thought, even as they furiously pedal their tiny bicycles around a novelty human hamster wheel to earn another treat from their billionaire owner. How else to explain their inexplicable decision to oppose an indigenous voice to parliament before any details of the referendum or the proposal have been released? Answer: they must have known what was coming later in the week would be so distracting from their frantic grab for the racism crack pipe that they could slink away for a sneaky bowl or two under the old railway bridge, and nobody would notice.
I mean, come now. The explanation surely could not be that they’re just really into being racist.
This screen grab from their presser is revealing.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen six human beings look more like a found-art installation composed of sentient ashtrays and deflated fart cushions. They know what they’re doing is wrong, but they just can’t help it. They crave the kiss of that sweet, sweet crack pipe, and they’ll do anything for it.
Happily for them, if not for our collective sense of right and wrong, Scott Morrison was presently along to remind us that he was always right and we were always wrong, and if Revelations Dodgewanker saw no reason to apologise for that, it was only because the apology was owed to him, by us.
The consensus bet is that nobody in the Libs knew Littleproud and the Nats intended to beclown themselves in the style of Pennywise on Monday, but Littleproud must have known Morrison intended to go the full Pagliacci in response to parliamentary censure. This would have allowed the Nats to get the difficult part out of the way—announcing they were back on their racist bullshit again, so that they could lean into the fun part. Actually enjoying their racist bullshit again.
The alternative explanation that they’re not playing 88-dimensional chess and that they are indeed just a mob of bigoted opportunists is a bit unfortunate, innit.
Anyway, Scotty from Gaslighting gurned on for thousands of words in his own defence, but Katherine Murphy nailed him with considerably fewer.
“He has an enduring talent for being small in big moments.”
And so for twenty-odd minutes, which lasted for about nine hundred years, we all travelled back to a time when the then Prime Minister could bend the world to his will simply by folding, spindling and mutilating reality until it fit his requirements, like, say, the way you could fit a dozen bodies into half a dozen plastic barrels in a bank vault in Snowtown were you so inclined.
All we needed to do was ask him about the secret ministries he’d secretly assumed, he said, but we didn’t, and that’s on us.
Not that he was even a real minister, he said, except for that one time he saved the dolphins and while we’re on the subject, what happened to his parade for saving the dolphins?
Perhaps he should have asked his old mate Stuart Robert to organise it. Brother Stuey, we found out Wednesday, had attended a number of meetings organised by his old mates at Sydney 360, the consulting firm which absolutely, positively was not a lobbying firm, when it ‘consulted’ on all those massive government contracts for a bunch of massive multinational corporations while Smoko was secretly saving the dolphins and just gagging for somebody to ask him about it so he could finally reveal all to the world.
It’s hard to believe we lived like this.
*Don’t you judge me; that’s what I pay her a hundred and twenty bucks an hour for.
I'm old now so I've been living in hope for a decent crop of politicians for a long time. Bernardi is gone. Bronwyn gone. Fielding gone. Abbott, Craig Kelly, Andrews, Downer and blissfully Reith... all gone (some more permanently than others). Yet more idiots stay on and on and on. I guess they prove the saying that you can fool some of the people all of the time etc, but before I die I'd just like a year or two of peace from fecking corrupt and moronic charlatans trying to pull the wool over our collective eyes.
"that they’re not playing 88-dimensional chess and that they are indeed just a mob of bigoted opportunists" indeed they are the Elon Musk of political parties
"...furiously pedal their tiny bicycles around a novelty human hamster wheel..." Seriously. How do you come up with this sh*t? So awesome. And these aren't even my crop of dull wits.
Is there a more gormless combination in the world than the name "Littleproud", the things that come out of his mouth, and the man himself's face? You'll have to search far and wide to find it. He has said and done extremely little to be proud of, and his face supports that assertion from every angle.
The National Party, intend to throw the voice to parliament parchment into one of the Gina Ironheart's meteor crater-sized holes and cover it with the rubble from a previously desecrated sacred site.
The National's version of the modern-day Frontier Wars is now conducted with lawyers instead of spears with woomera's
The nauseous Nat's rivers of gold that stops them from becoming an anachronism, gushes from the horn of plenty that is Gina's ample bosom. They need her largesse to fund the Institute of Public Affairs, a think tank that is the source of all their policies.
In the hall of righteousness, the people in the public gallery, who wore 3D glasses would have been able to see the halo of hubris that floated above the head of the liar from the shire, as he absolved himself of all shame.
Now that the dregs of the Howard era retrogrades have come to realise that having control of all the print media, TV and Sky News is not what they thought it would be when they trashed media diversity. They thought that they could exploit the loophole in our constitution that doesn't enshrine the right to free speech that most other western nations enjoy. Rupert is plotting his revenge on the dissenters who disobeyed his call to arms.
The rumour in the hood is that the shire liar will have Sayonara Suckers etched on his headstone, but the grave will have security guards 24/7 to prevent the victims of Robo debit from depositing bodily waste instead of flowers.
When the cat jumped out of the bag on Wednesday, about a round of meetings with Stuey and his BFF Sydney 360, Stuey's nickname became the Circle Jerk. Apart from the declared remuneration, they say that the Peter Garret payment system, consisting of a brown paper bag containing wads of used notes, may have occurred.
Now that the liar has kept his job, his pension and his bum on his green seat, with his wrist still smarting from his punishment, poor old Stuey may not receive the same fate, but surely gainful employment will not be far away for a man with his talents.
The miasma that shrouds the definition of lobbyist and consultant, even David Astle would have trouble finding the answer in the Macquarie, is like a tapeworm that binds the denizens of the big house, in an amicable and profitable synergy of Liberal and National Parties' shared ideologies.
The nationals opposition at this early stage is politically dumb I agree but please listen to what Jacinta Price is saying at individual level. Jacinta and I are poles apart politically but I suspect that the answers lie somewhere in between. Aboriginal people have been mercilessly politicised into the two party system and I believe that this is partly to blame for the current dysfunction. I don't know if we should spend money on the voice when there are so many other things that need doing like sanitation, education and meaningful job creation opportunities in communities. One thing that the Nats got right is that the voice already seems elitist. Nobody has asked any bush blackfellas that I know about it or explained how it will improve their lives.
I'm old now so I've been living in hope for a decent crop of politicians for a long time. Bernardi is gone. Bronwyn gone. Fielding gone. Abbott, Craig Kelly, Andrews, Downer and blissfully Reith... all gone (some more permanently than others). Yet more idiots stay on and on and on. I guess they prove the saying that you can fool some of the people all of the time etc, but before I die I'd just like a year or two of peace from fecking corrupt and moronic charlatans trying to pull the wool over our collective eyes.
With her seven thousand-a-week parliamentary stipend, Bronwyn flies everywhere in her helicopter nowadays.
My disdain for politics is directly proportional to my love for humanity.
To top it all off, in the biggest piece of shitfuckery ever, Brittany Higgins is under psychiatric care and Bruce Lehrmann walks away …
And the bit I just can’t forget - THEY STEAM-CLEANED THE SOFA 😳
I know. This was some grim shit.
Yeah still processing this.
It’s soooo horrible! That young woman deserved so much better than this! And yes! I also cannot forget that they steam-cleaned the dogs! 🤯🤯🤯
Who, Linda Reynolds?
Katherine Murphy - OMG, how correct and how ruthless an insight into the former PM’s character as a leader.
Isn’t that the best comment! Possibly the best she has ever written!
"I don’t think I’ve ever seen six human beings look more like a found-art installation composed of sentient ashtrays and deflated fart cushions."
Still laughing at that two days later.
Yeah. Sometimes the words come good.
No comment from me again, still too busy sharpening that guillotine.
"that they’re not playing 88-dimensional chess and that they are indeed just a mob of bigoted opportunists" indeed they are the Elon Musk of political parties
I don't know. '88' being a reference to a certain salutation that Kanye's mates used to use.
It seems that that's the only kind of chess they do play. In much the same way as a pigeon plays chess...
It is hard to believe we lived like this.
So many of those dim witted clowns scattered throughout our democratic institutions it will take a generation to make the changes we need.
Talk about turning circle of the titanic 🤦🏼♂️
Grace Tame's quip about Scotty was at your level of wit... "the ambition of Voldemort with the brains of Petter Griffin". Does she read Sideboob?
"...furiously pedal their tiny bicycles around a novelty human hamster wheel..." Seriously. How do you come up with this sh*t? So awesome. And these aren't even my crop of dull wits.
Is there a more gormless combination in the world than the name "Littleproud", the things that come out of his mouth, and the man himself's face? You'll have to search far and wide to find it. He has said and done extremely little to be proud of, and his face supports that assertion from every angle.
The National Party, intend to throw the voice to parliament parchment into one of the Gina Ironheart's meteor crater-sized holes and cover it with the rubble from a previously desecrated sacred site.
The National's version of the modern-day Frontier Wars is now conducted with lawyers instead of spears with woomera's
The nauseous Nat's rivers of gold that stops them from becoming an anachronism, gushes from the horn of plenty that is Gina's ample bosom. They need her largesse to fund the Institute of Public Affairs, a think tank that is the source of all their policies.
In the hall of righteousness, the people in the public gallery, who wore 3D glasses would have been able to see the halo of hubris that floated above the head of the liar from the shire, as he absolved himself of all shame.
Now that the dregs of the Howard era retrogrades have come to realise that having control of all the print media, TV and Sky News is not what they thought it would be when they trashed media diversity. They thought that they could exploit the loophole in our constitution that doesn't enshrine the right to free speech that most other western nations enjoy. Rupert is plotting his revenge on the dissenters who disobeyed his call to arms.
The rumour in the hood is that the shire liar will have Sayonara Suckers etched on his headstone, but the grave will have security guards 24/7 to prevent the victims of Robo debit from depositing bodily waste instead of flowers.
When the cat jumped out of the bag on Wednesday, about a round of meetings with Stuey and his BFF Sydney 360, Stuey's nickname became the Circle Jerk. Apart from the declared remuneration, they say that the Peter Garret payment system, consisting of a brown paper bag containing wads of used notes, may have occurred.
Now that the liar has kept his job, his pension and his bum on his green seat, with his wrist still smarting from his punishment, poor old Stuey may not receive the same fate, but surely gainful employment will not be far away for a man with his talents.
The miasma that shrouds the definition of lobbyist and consultant, even David Astle would have trouble finding the answer in the Macquarie, is like a tapeworm that binds the denizens of the big house, in an amicable and profitable synergy of Liberal and National Parties' shared ideologies.
If there has has ever been a bigger bunch of scumbags..you fuck me with a rag dick..
For all touching & feeling with the former government & associates.
Never swarmed in as minister of some god like type.
Perhaps caravan & beetroot hatched a plan to roll littlefolate early
Slomo just doesn't want to admit that he was LARPing the End of Days
Great descriptions thanks 👏👏🤣🤣
And yes, it's hard to believe we lived like that - I doubt we've come through unscathed 😵💫🤯
The nationals opposition at this early stage is politically dumb I agree but please listen to what Jacinta Price is saying at individual level. Jacinta and I are poles apart politically but I suspect that the answers lie somewhere in between. Aboriginal people have been mercilessly politicised into the two party system and I believe that this is partly to blame for the current dysfunction. I don't know if we should spend money on the voice when there are so many other things that need doing like sanitation, education and meaningful job creation opportunities in communities. One thing that the Nats got right is that the voice already seems elitist. Nobody has asked any bush blackfellas that I know about it or explained how it will improve their lives.
This. I want what is best for first nations people, but what is that?