I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to read that ‘thousands of people are reportedly lining up to have a portion of their skull removed and one of Elon Musk's brain chips implanted’. Only thousands? Surely we are dumber than that? If Donald Trump can convince 74 million people to vote for him as America’s Most Wanted Caligula Impersonator, then surely Elon can do better than a minor league baseball stadium's worth of volunteers. These are first-class idiots we’re talking about here, not your common or garden-variety gullible rubes. They are sitting up and begging like jittery dope fiends for one of Elon’s robot doctors crack open their skulls and stick Twitter Hitler’s Fitbit in there.
"Space Karen" is still my favourite sobriquet for him. Is the Venn diagram of people who have signed up for this and the ones who put their names down for his one way trip to Mars a single circle?
There was a series years ago about alien abductions, called "Taken." One scene I remember- a veteran pilot of WW2, who suffered from severe combat trauma aggravated by his alien abduction, was talked into allowing the gov to yank his tracker implant from his skull. Kind of a bad idea, but I remember just before they sedated him the head creep in charge said "Thank you again, Captain, for volunteering for your country." Then it was lights out, and the skull saw came out. Of course, things went sideways and the aliens caused a guard with a Thompson to go beserk and shoot everyone present. So, nah, I'm not volunteering for shit. I've done enough of that dumb stuff for one life. Neuralink, anyone? And watch out for the guy with the Tommy gun.
Someone should probably remind the volunteers about what happened to all the silicon eye-implant people when the company went broke and they turned off the cloud servers. (Hint: the same sort of thing as the people who owned Zune music players.)
As well as much of our smoking, choking planet, it appears you too are on fire this week! I found this piece so wryly hilarious, I'm going to read it again. Such value!
I'm somewhat out of the current news loop - so this sounds not unlike your vengeance writing - laying the plot line of an out-of-control E.M soon to be attacked by the survivors of his brain implant scheme! But it seems you are serious?
Few problems that go beyond "why would I let Elon anywhere near me, let alone inside my brain"
Early adopters of implants found that either they can not get upgrades or replacement as their current implant locks that out, because of damage from neural interface surgery. It is not like the required parts of the brain as a universal standard like USB, and if you look at the current mess of the "universal" serial bus, that could be decades away.
Also currently installed implants require ongoing maintenance, patching and what not, yet some companies have closed without provisioning for future maintenance, leaving patients with implants that no longer work. Add in the last paragraph shenanigans, these people are what is technically called "fucked".
Unless there are solutions for neural chip eof management, especially for alpha grade, made by Tesla quality components in a shambolic approximation of constructed, I think I will say no for a while yet.
As if things are already crazy enough - Ukraine, Zionists, Biden - "Stop-the-boats" Sunak - now this bizarre scheme! (though to be honest - when I was a Seventh-day Adventist child, 60 years ago - this kind of thing was being forecast as a sign of the end of days - people having a "mark" (or a chip, if you will in current terms) placed beneath the skin of their hand or beneath the skin of their forehead (NOT pronounced four-head, either) - so I see the precedent going back into the 20th century at least. Sci-Fi movies too (maybe scripts/scenarios coming from disaffected Seventh-day Adventists or other seriously disturbed fundamentalist sect ex-adherents) are forecasting these kinds of controls...
The volunteers probably see this as their opportunity to do the celeb interview circuit and make a bunch of money...making money is the american obsession, forget the quality of life shit.
That immediately evoked some interviews-going-haywire scenarios. Someone should write serial sci-fi-centred scripts on the theme (another potential way to make a bunch of money).
"Igor-beavers"... very good.
A ‘rapid unscheduled disassembly’ - I'd forgotten about that example of euphemistic understatement. Love how you utilised it, JB.
The potential outcomes deserve their own tv series. Pity the name, "The X Files", has already been used. Maybe "The XFX"?
It’s a fave
"Space Karen" is still my favourite sobriquet for him. Is the Venn diagram of people who have signed up for this and the ones who put their names down for his one way trip to Mars a single circle?
There was a series years ago about alien abductions, called "Taken." One scene I remember- a veteran pilot of WW2, who suffered from severe combat trauma aggravated by his alien abduction, was talked into allowing the gov to yank his tracker implant from his skull. Kind of a bad idea, but I remember just before they sedated him the head creep in charge said "Thank you again, Captain, for volunteering for your country." Then it was lights out, and the skull saw came out. Of course, things went sideways and the aliens caused a guard with a Thompson to go beserk and shoot everyone present. So, nah, I'm not volunteering for shit. I've done enough of that dumb stuff for one life. Neuralink, anyone? And watch out for the guy with the Tommy gun.
Someone should probably remind the volunteers about what happened to all the silicon eye-implant people when the company went broke and they turned off the cloud servers. (Hint: the same sort of thing as the people who owned Zune music players.)
As well as much of our smoking, choking planet, it appears you too are on fire this week! I found this piece so wryly hilarious, I'm going to read it again. Such value!
I'm somewhat out of the current news loop - so this sounds not unlike your vengeance writing - laying the plot line of an out-of-control E.M soon to be attacked by the survivors of his brain implant scheme! But it seems you are serious?
Follow the links, Jim. It's real.
I was going to ask the same thing...
Holy crap!
Darwinism in action! I hope there is a MAGA edition chip!
Seems to me that Elon is actually a poor quality human impersonator.
Does the thing come with a warranty? What happens when the warranty expires?
Does it come with a home Trepanning kit under the right to repair law?
Few problems that go beyond "why would I let Elon anywhere near me, let alone inside my brain"
Early adopters of implants found that either they can not get upgrades or replacement as their current implant locks that out, because of damage from neural interface surgery. It is not like the required parts of the brain as a universal standard like USB, and if you look at the current mess of the "universal" serial bus, that could be decades away.
Also currently installed implants require ongoing maintenance, patching and what not, yet some companies have closed without provisioning for future maintenance, leaving patients with implants that no longer work. Add in the last paragraph shenanigans, these people are what is technically called "fucked".
Unless there are solutions for neural chip eof management, especially for alpha grade, made by Tesla quality components in a shambolic approximation of constructed, I think I will say no for a while yet.
Seriously - some people are too stupid to live, which is fortunate in this case 🤣
As if things are already crazy enough - Ukraine, Zionists, Biden - "Stop-the-boats" Sunak - now this bizarre scheme! (though to be honest - when I was a Seventh-day Adventist child, 60 years ago - this kind of thing was being forecast as a sign of the end of days - people having a "mark" (or a chip, if you will in current terms) placed beneath the skin of their hand or beneath the skin of their forehead (NOT pronounced four-head, either) - so I see the precedent going back into the 20th century at least. Sci-Fi movies too (maybe scripts/scenarios coming from disaffected Seventh-day Adventists or other seriously disturbed fundamentalist sect ex-adherents) are forecasting these kinds of controls...
The volunteers probably see this as their opportunity to do the celeb interview circuit and make a bunch of money...making money is the american obsession, forget the quality of life shit.
That immediately evoked some interviews-going-haywire scenarios. Someone should write serial sci-fi-centred scripts on the theme (another potential way to make a bunch of money).
Oh no! Is this Elon's attempt at creating the cybermen?!? Are we all about to be Upgraded or...if we refused that...DELETED?!?
Two new epithets have entered my vocabulary: Space Karen and Musketeers. Thanks Johnno
I wish I could claim credit for Space Karen but I can't.
Rolling on the floor with this one!