Where's my penguins, Boris?

I was really fucking disimpressed and monstrously frustrappointed to find out we weren’t going to be getting real penguins. Boris Johnson promised us free trade and some kick arse penguins. Or so it seemed until, like the large but unknowable number of women who have inexplicably allowed Johnson to impregnate them, we were overcome by the creeping suspicion that promises made would not magically transform into promises kept and, sadly, we weren’t getting our fucking penguins.

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