Colleagues, we all know the jernalisms aren’t getting any easier, so I’ve compiled this useful guide for lazier hacks to make it easier. Should you find yourself in the vicinity of somebody seeking supreme executive power over 25 million or so little Vegemiters and you’re inclined to seek of them some answers regarding the difficult and complicated issues of our day, fuck that, and brace them with these guaranteed viral howlers instead.
• What’s the price of bread?
• No, not that bread, the other sort.
• Can you even kick a loaf of bread Albo? Properly, like a footy? Right through the centre posts for four points?
• Ha! Gotcha, it’s six points! Hold the presses! Albo doesn’t know about footy or bread.
• Hey wait, what? Where’s my sandwich?
• Why is the PM kicking my sandwich like that? And why’s he driving a tank over it? Oh wait. Where’s his photographer? Okay, but can I have another question?
• Trans ladies.
• No that’s the question.
• Okay but what if some trans lady who was really a bloke wanted to join the real lady footy league and she could punt a sourdough loaf right through the posts from halfway down the field would that even be fair?
• Can we have some more money from Google?
It’s gonna be a long six weeks.
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